you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
