Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
