She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
