my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
