is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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