My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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