Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
