life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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