i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
