Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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