Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
