i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We talked him into tasing himself.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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