I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Mom said you looked used
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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