Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
its liver damage thursday
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