so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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