The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
