I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize