We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
