i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
