I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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