I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
