Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
