Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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