I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
