it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
stop calling my apartment porn island.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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