my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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