Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
