We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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