if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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