so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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