I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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