If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize