there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
