On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
