I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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