I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
