The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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