The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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