My hair reeks of homosexuality.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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