Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
