you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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