I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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