i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
