It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My vagina is officially offended.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
