i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
