thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
