A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
