I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
