He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
