I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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