i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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