Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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