mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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