You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
