She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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