We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize