what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
