So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
