I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize