I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
