idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
