she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
