I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
