She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
