carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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