grandma shit on top of the toilet
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
