Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
