I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
