I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
