Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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