Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize