If that was your dad, he is hot
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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